Wheel of KARMA
Revenge is a dish best served up cold. This old Sicilian proverb be one of the rules that were drilled into me from a very young age. Those who invented vendetta know it best and me were taught by a direct descendant. Unfortunately Me wants to break the rule and give a special someone a great big shit burger to chew on.
Me got fucked over at work. Promises broken. Lies told. Cowardice and ingratitude displayed on a gargantuan scale.
Now me only thought is to make someones life a living hell and a constant guilt trip.
Me gots a plan, but me be lookin fer original ideas to add some icing to the cake. Me be askin you and anyone you know to help me on this journey into a plan called "The Voodoo that Me do".
So send in yer ideas and the ones that help me the most will get credit in a future post documenting the downfall of the vapid vampire bitch.
Monsters Note:Please make certain that all suggestions do not involve physical harm. Me be looking for subtlety not slapstick.
Me no sleeping with the fishes.
16 comments:
I used to be the Queen of Downfalling Vapid Vampire Bitches, but I've forgotten most of what I knew. Let me try to penetrate the misty veil of my dementia and see if I can remember any really good tricks.
I'll think on this and get back to you... my rain is a bit mushy this week!
My rain? See? All of the Canadian rain has done this! My BRAIN is mushy and these comments prove it!
set the bastard on fire.
yup.
f**k it, I'm sure he/she/it deserves it.
rotten bastages...
messin' w/my friend like that...
B-|
-----
... oh, and use a can of Lysol, ignited by a Bic butane lighter.
it's all the rage, ya know...
B-)
----
ummm,
no physical harm, you say?
hmmm.
okay, here's a good one:
1) sneak up to the Vampire Bitch's door.
2) shit into a paper grocery bag.
3) douse said bag w/lighter fluid.
4) ignite said bag w/Bic butane lighter.
5) toss the flaming Bag-O-Shtein onto the porch.
6) ring the doorbell (or knock)
7) hide in the bushes.
8) laugh your ass off when said Vampire Bitch puts the fire out by STOMPing on it.
9) run like hell.
10) tell all your friends.
11) share the video.
true fact, I pulled this prank as a kid.
yup.
it works every time.
B-)
-----
oh, to HELL with all of that.
just give ME the address, Scary.
I got your back.
yup.
B-|
----
You're living up to you name, Scary.
I'm going to admit this as anon only-
Once- when a realtor I worked for was driving me nutty- I started leaving dead bugs on his desk...right in the middle of his stuff.
Dead bees, caterpillars, a praying mantis...whatever I could find.
He freaked after a week or so.
Sardines in a car- under a mat, or between seat cushions is awful.
A bottle of hair conditioner- but filled up with a lotion HAIR REMOVER in an anon gift basket...that would be evil.
guess who ;)
SJ~ Me figures that you got a trick or two to show me. Me needs something that will stay in her memory.
Dr.Chip. Me likes the bag 'o fire idea, but me feels that this chick be too stupid to know how to put out a fire.
Grrl~ C'mon get yer brain in gear Me needs the kind of answers only women can provide. LOL
lbl~ Me is generally a fair guy, always polite, but this time Me just don't want to wait for the wheel to turn. Me needs to witness the event with me own eyes.
Good ideas, "Anon" wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. But we all share the same desk space and Me don't think she'd fall for the nair in conditioner routine....then again, Stomp
I used to be a master of these things, let me think on it some.
I'm fond of creating fear through innuendo. And the more medical jargon that gets tossed around, the better. Consider:
You are sitting at your desk, next to VVB. You answer your cellphone when it rings. "Oh, Vixen, I had some bad news at the doctor's today," you say, turning your back to VVB as if being private. You then whisper something sotto voce about something you have and how terribly contagious it is. The first sign is...
Options: 1)you've developed pulmonary hantavirus and that's why you were coughing up so much blood. "That's spread through the air, you know?" you say. "I feel terrible that I've been coughing so much at work." 2)you have an unusual strain of resistant Strep, and that's spread through even the most casual touch, even passing papers from one person to another. The first sign is a generalized mild itching. 3)you were diagnosed with human papilloma virus (HPV), but one of those super-contagious strains. It only caused warts on your fingers, but if anyone touched those warts and then, say, went to the bathroom, they could CATCH them and the virus can cause CANCER. The first sign is mild discomfort in the vulvar area. "Oh, Vixen, I hope you're ok. You didn't pick up my coffee cup this morning, did you? My God, you did? You'd better get to the doctor right away."
Good luck.
Greeny, that reminds me so much of "the treatment" we used on this woman I used to work with. She was a self-absorbed hypochondriac, and every time she'd start getting on our nerves, we'd suggest that she looked like she might be exhibiting symptoms of some new disease. It sent her running to the doctor pretty much every time. People are, after all, very suggestible -- which is precisely how Voodoo works. :-)
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have no ideas.
But I NEED some, myself.
xx
pinks
I'm the wrong Pug to ask on this subject. The Pug is in a different place now. He's more at peace, and accepting of the world's challenges, and also switches more frequently into the 3rd person when reflecting on himself.
Life is way too short to be consumed by revenge. Let it go, and chalk it up to luck of the draw (most of us have been through this).
But if you want, we - your blogger buds - can keep calling her house and office day and night for a few weeks, every time asking for "Steve". Then you call in a phoney voice, say you're Steve, and ask if you have any messages.
so....
does this mean I'm not getting the address?
damn.
I SO like taking matters
into my own freaking hands...
B-\
----
Post a Comment