Time to lighten up

Do you now or have you ever had a pet?
We're not counting spouses here; feathered, furred, scaly or with fins be what me talkin about.
Me has had a couple of different pets, but me has to say that me likes the company of cats. Turtles are also very cool and dogs can make you feel like the most important person in the world; which of course you are. I have also come to really like fish they taste really good and they are a lot of fun to watch.
Me cat is insane. She is the biggest pain in the butt and the the warmest bundle of joy; all cuddles and scratches.
If you've never owned a cat you will never understand the true meaning of vendetta. Never wrong a cat, they will never forget it and if you do, there is a distinct possibility that they will lay an egg in your sneakers or turn your favorite writing chair into toothpicks.
Me has fulfilling conversations with me cat. When me talked to me dog the conversation was generally one sided and with me goldfish it is definitely a soliloquy, but the cat has input and opinions. Me thinks she is a little too Conservative politically, but she shows her intelligence by walking away from the computer any time Me be reading anything about president Bush.

If your after lowbrow laughs all you have to do is talk about humping, farting, pissing or taking a dump in the most graphic, base language imaginable. Folks love to hear stories of other people, especially if they know them, getting caught screwing in the company copy room and toilet stories even if tragic will still make us think of something funny.
When it happens to you it ain't funny. ain't funny at all. Went out last night with Mrs. Monster and had a really nice dinner(Italian) and checked out a new bar (very cool will tell you all about it in a later post) all in all a very nice relaxing evening. We got back home and were settling in for the night. Mrs. M was doing all the things women do when they get ready for bed and Me, on the other hand was just kicking back with a glass of bourbon.
From the back of the Monster lair came a scratching noise a constant scraping that every cat owner recognises. A moment later kitty jumps up on the sofa with her tail in the air a spring in her step and a very happy meow; not long after that that Me noticed the air around me taking on a different density and a certain suffocating aroma begin to permeate the room. Me looked away from the tube and me wife was looking at me in an accusing manner.
OK OK it's usually me who's dropping wolf bait or floating air biscuits, but this time Me be innocent. Just as we were about to get into the "whoevere smelt it delt it"- "whoever denied it supplied it" spat, little kitty jumps down from the back of the sofa raises her back leg and starts to take care of her toilet .
The uproar was instantaneous and syncronised. Wheeeeew, jeeeze cat what did you eat today? OMG someone light a match. Where's the aroma candle? Some quick action on me wife's part helped to avoid total disaster, but the effects of the attack were sufficiently efficacious in spoiling the pleasant peaceful mood we were in.
Nope! It ain't funny when it happens to you.
SKUNKALODEO.

Me no have any nasal hairs left.